What Does Success Really Mean? (And How to Define It for Yourself)

Success is one of those words that gets thrown around constantly, yet when you stop and actually ask, “What does success mean?”, most people can’t give you a straight answer. Parents talk about being successful at school or work. Teachers talk about successful futures. Social media shows you cars, followers, six-packs, and luxury holidays and calls all of it “success.” Friends have their own ideas too — being in a relationship, looking a certain way, or having certain things sorted by a certain age.

And in the middle of all that noise, you’re left wondering:
“What does success actually mean for me? Am I even close to it? Or am I already failing?”

Here’s the truth: if you don’t define success for yourself, the world will define it for you. And when that happens, you end up chasing boxes you never wanted to tick and living out someone else’s idea of what your life should look like. Today, we’re digging into where these ideas of success come from, why chasing other people’s definitions leaves you feeling empty, and how you can finally start defining success on your terms.

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Why We Chase Other People’s Definitions of Success

Part of the problem is biological. Your brain is wired to want approval — not because you’re weak, but because, in the past, acceptance kept you alive. Thousands of years ago, if your group welcomed you, you were safe, fed, and protected. If they rejected you, you didn’t survive long.

That wiring hasn’t disappeared. It’s simply changed shape. Today, approval doesn’t come from tribes — it comes from parents, teachers, friends, strangers online, and society as a whole. If someone says, “This is what success looks like,” your brain instinctively tries to follow it. It thinks, If I do that, I’ll fit in. I’ll be okay.

But the problem is that everyone around you is shouting different versions of success:

• Parents: Good grades mean a good future.

• Teachers: University is the only path forward.

• Social media: Success is money, aesthetics, popularity, hustle, and perfection.

• Friends: If you’re not in a relationship yet, you’re somehow behind.

It’s like standing in the middle of a room full of megaphones, each blasting their own definition at you. And without even realising it, you start trying to hit every target at once.

The Trap: Success That Never Feels Like Yours

Here’s the painful truth: even when you hit those external targets, the feeling doesn’t stay. You ace the exams — and immediately people ask, “So what’s next?” You get the job — and suddenly it’s about promotions. You start a relationship — and now it’s about milestones. The bar just keeps moving.

You tick the box, but the moment you do, someone hands you another box to tick.

Worse still, even when you achieve what others call “success,” it can feel strangely empty. You join a sports team because everyone says it looks impressive, but you don’t enjoy it. You get praise, but you don’t feel fulfilled. You follow the script perfectly, but it doesn’t feel like your win.

This happens because of something simple but powerful:
external success gives you dopamine, not meaning.

The praise, the likes, the recognition — they give you a quick hit. But it fades fast. And then you’re back to chasing the next hit, the next target, the next title.

Borrowed Scripts: The Lives We Didn’t Choose

Most of us are following scripts we didn’t write. From the moment you’re born, people start handing you lines:

• Do well in school.

• Go to uni.

• Get a job.

• Find a partner.

• Buy a house.

• Settle down.

It’s like being dropped into a play where the entire script is already written and you’re expected to perform your part without question.

Some scripts come from society — the “standard” life plan.
Some come from social media — hustle culture, aesthetics, luxury.
Some come from family — their fears, hopes, and expectations.
Some come from friends — what everyone else your age is chasing.

The problem with borrowed scripts is this: they never ask what you want.
You follow them because they exist, because they’re loud, and because stepping off them feels risky. But even when you follow them perfectly, they don’t feel like success. They feel like effort without meaning — like climbing a ladder only to find out it’s leaning against the wrong wall.

So ask yourself honestly:
What script are you currently following?
And who wrote it?

The Cost of Chasing the Wrong Success

Chasing someone else’s version of success doesn’t just waste time — it drains you deeply. The biggest cost? You start betraying yourself without even noticing.

You want space to explore your options, but you feel guilty because everyone expects you to have a clear plan.
You value creativity, but you downplay it because people say it’s not practical.
You want a slower pace, but the world tells you to hurry up.

This isn’t just pressure — it’s self-betrayal.
And nothing damages your confidence more than telling yourself that your own wants don’t matter.

This is why hitting the wrong targets feels flat and hollow. They weren’t your targets. They were someone else’s.

So pause for a moment:
Your last achievement — did it feel like yours, or did it feel like ticking someone else’s box?

How to Define Success for Yourself

If the old definition doesn’t work, you need a new one — one that actually fits you. Here are three steps to help you build a definition of success that feels meaningful instead of draining.

1. Identify Your Values

Values are the things that genuinely matter to you — the things that make you feel alive, grounded, or fulfilled. When your version of success lines up with your values, everything shifts.

• If creativity is a value, success might be finishing a drawing or a song you love, even if no one ever sees it.

• If connection is a value, success might mean spending meaningful time with people who matter to you.

• If independence is a value, success might mean earning your own money or making decisions for yourself.

Success built on values doesn’t need applause. It already feels right.

2. Focus on Direction, Not Destination

Traditional success is treated like a single finish line:
“When I have X, I’ll be successful.”

But that mindset creates instant pressure. And when you hit that destination, the satisfaction fades quickly.

Instead, think of success as a direction — a way of moving through life.

If health is a value, success isn’t having a six-pack. It’s moving your body regularly and taking care of yourself.
If learning is a value, success isn’t getting straight A’s. It’s being curious and growing your skills.

Destinations disappoint.
Directions keep you moving.

3. Measure What’s Yours — Not What’s Theirs

The moment you use someone else’s measuring stick, you lose. Your friend’s success might be scoring goals in football. Yours might be writing a poem that captures exactly how you feel. Both count. Both matter. But they’re measured using different values.

Your success only needs to make sense to you.

When you put values, direction, and your own measures together, success stops being a performance. It becomes a compass — something that helps you build a life that feels like yours.

So take a moment:
Without anyone else’s opinions, what would success look like for you right now?

Success at the Identity Level

When you strip away everyone else’s noise, success becomes simple and personal. Success isn’t about having everything. It’s about aligning your life with who you are becoming.

Success sounds like:

• “I want enough freedom to spend my time on what matters to me.”

• “I take care of my body in a way that makes me feel good.”

• “I’m learning in ways that fuel my curiosity and growth.”

Success isn’t money, achievements, or aesthetics.
Success is living your values — not someone else’s script.

Bringing It All Together

You chase other people’s versions of success because your brain is wired to seek approval. But those borrowed scripts drain you, flatten your wins, and keep moving the goalposts so you never quite feel “good enough.”

But when you define success on your own terms — through your values, your direction, and your own measures — everything starts to change. Your wins feel real. Your progress feels meaningful. And life starts to look and feel like something that actually belongs to you.

So here’s your challenge for this week — and because this is the final episode of the season, make it count:

1. Write down three values that matter most to you.

2. For each one, write one small, practical example of what success would look like if it was built on that value.

3. Choose one of those examples and do it this week.

4. When you’ve done it, pause and notice how it feels — grounded, satisfying, and truly yours.

That feeling?
That’s real success.

Next Episode: Season Recap

You’ve travelled a long way through this season — through energy, habits, comparison, self-worth, and success. In the next episode, we’ll take a step back and look at the whole picture: the shifts you’ve made, the threads that pull everything together, and the lessons worth carrying into the next season.

A chance to breathe, reflect, and recognise just how far you’ve already come.