Why You Keep Making Bad Choices - (And How to Stop)

Let’s be honest — we’ve all had moments where we’ve made a decision, and within seconds, something inside us goes: “What the hell was that?”

Maybe you agreed to something you didn’t want to do. Maybe you snapped at someone who didn’t deserve it. Maybe you ignored your gut because it was just easier to go along with what someone else wanted. And now you’re left with guilt, frustration, or that heavy feeling of regret.

This episode of Headstraight is all about those moments. We’re not here to tell you to “just make better choices.” We’re here to unpack why so many decisions feel so hard — and what you can do to change the pattern, without beating yourself up.

🎧 Listen to the full episode here:

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So why does it happen?

Bad decisions don’t come out of nowhere. They usually follow a pattern — and if you look closely, you’ll often find two common drivers: emotions and pressure.

Let’s start with emotions.

Imagine you’ve had a rough day. You’re wound up, running on empty, and someone says something — and you snap. Or maybe you make a rash decision just to feel some control. In that moment, your emotional brain is in charge, and logic has quietly left the building.

You’re not broken. That’s just your brain doing its thing under pressure. But once you learn to spot what’s happening, you can change how you respond.

Then there’s the pressure. The social stuff. The “you’d do this if you cared” attitude. The friend who lays it on thick when you say no. When someone knows where your guilt buttons are — and pushes them — it gets hard to tell what you actually want.

And that’s when you end up saying yes when everything in you is screaming "no!!!".

What helps?

It’s not about becoming someone who never makes mistakes. It’s about learning how to pause, reflect, and choose — even when things feel chaotic.

So here are five key steps from the episode, broken down in full.

1. Spot what’s driving the decision

Before you can change a pattern, you need to understand it.
Ask yourself:

• What state was I in when I made that choice?

• Was I angry, anxious, stressed, or overwhelmed?

• Was someone else steering me with guilt, pressure, or expectations?

• Did I say yes to avoid conflict, rejection, or looking like the bad guy?

Getting clear on what was underneath the decision helps you notice the signs sooner next time. It gives you something solid to work with — not just “I need to stop doing that.”

2. Use the STOP framework

When a choice is coming at you fast, it’s easy to default to habit. That’s where STOP comes in — a simple way to build in space before you act.

S – Stop
Pause. Take a breath. You’re not reacting — yet.

T – Think
What’s really going on? Are you acting out of emotion or pressure? Is this your decision — or someone else’s?

O – Options
What are your actual choices? Not just the obvious one, or the one that’s easiest. What aligns with your needs and values?

P – Proceed
Make a decision based on what feels right for you. Not what keeps the peace. Not what keeps someone else happy. What matters to you.

This doesn’t have to take ages. Sometimes the whole process can happen in under a minute. But even a small pause can change everything.

3. Learn to say no — without guilt

This one takes practice. Especially if you’re used to keeping the peace, going along with things, or avoiding confrontation. But here’s the truth: you are allowed to say no — and you don’t owe anyone a lengthy explanation.

Some examples:

• “I’ve thought about it, but I can’t.”

• “Thanks for asking, but I’m going to pass.”

• “This doesn’t work for me right now.”

Short. Clear. Respectful. No overthinking required.

If the other person pushes back or demands a reason, that’s on them — not you. You don’t need to justify protecting your own time, energy, or wellbeing.

And remember: no is a complete sentence.

4. Recognise when you’re being manipulated

Let’s be clear — manipulation isn’t always obvious. It often comes dressed up as care, loyalty, or urgency.

Someone says:

• “I’m relying on you — don’t let me down.”

• “You’re the only one who understands me.”

• “I helped you last time, so you owe me.”

• “If you really cared, you’d say yes.”

What they’re doing is loading the emotional weight onto your shoulders. Suddenly it’s not about whether you want to help — it’s about whether you’re willing to disappoint them.

That’s not connection. That’s control.

So here’s how to respond without guilt:

• “I get what you’re saying, but I need to prioritise what’s right for me.”

• “I’ve helped before, but this time I can’t.”

• “I care about you, but I’m not able to take this on.”

Manipulation only works when it’s invisible. Once you start spotting it, you stop carrying responsibility that doesn’t belong to you.

5. Own your choices — even the ones you regret

Let’s talk about what happens after a bad decision.

Maybe you hurt someone. Maybe you let yourself down. Regret can hit hard — and if you’re not careful, it turns into shame. But here’s the thing: owning a mistake doesn’t mean punishing yourself forever.

Instead:

• Face what happened. Don’t avoid it or justify it. What did you do? Why? What were you hoping to achieve?

• Make amends, if needed. Apologise sincerely. Acknowledge the impact. Ask if there’s anything you can do to repair the harm.

• Reflect. What pattern was playing out? Were you reacting, people-pleasing, numbing out? What can you learn from it?

• Forgive yourself. You made a decision with the information and capacity you had in that moment. Now you’ve got more. Use it.

• Let go and move forward. Don’t live there. Take what you need from the experience and get back in the game.

Mistakes don’t make you weak. They give you a chance to grow stronger — if you’re willing to look at them honestly.

Progress over perfection

If you’re someone who puts a lot of pressure on yourself — always trying to get it right, never wanting to let anyone down — this process might feel uncomfortable. You might feel like you should already know how to do this.

But give yourself permission to figure it out. Start with one decision. One boundary. One pause.
That’s how trust in yourself is built — not by getting it perfect, but by showing up for yourself, even when it’s hard.

Try this today

• Think of one decision you need to make — big or small.

• Use the STOP framework.

• Choose the option that reflects what matters to you — not what keeps the peace or avoids guilt.

• Afterwards, reflect: What worked? What would you do differently next time?

That’s it. One choice at a time.

Coming up next on Headstraight…

Ever feel guilty for wanting attention? For needing help? For asking to be seen?

In the next episode, we dig into the shame so many people feel around “needing too much” — and how to start asking for what you need without apologising for it.

If that sounds like something you’ve been battling, come along for the next one.