S2E5 - Stop Faking It: Build Real Confidence That Lasts

My name's Mark, and you're listening to Head Straight. Hello, you lot, and welcome back. And before we even go any further, I wanna get one thing straight. Confidence isn't a filter. It's not a vibe, and it's definitely not about walking into every room like you own it.

You know what real confidence looks like? It's standing your ground in a really tough conversation even when your voice is shaking. It's putting yourself forward for something you care about even when you're scared that people are going to judge you. It's quietly backing yourself. No audience, no hype, just you showing up.

But here's the kicker. Confidence doesn't show up first. Action does. Now most people get stuck in this weird mindset of I'll try it once I feel more confident. But confidence is built, it's not found.

It's not some magical trait. It's a skill, a muscle, something that you develop by doing hard things, surviving them, and learning that you can handle more than you thought. This episode's gonna be a blueprint. We're gonna cut through the noise, ditching the fake it nonsense, and showing you the real way to build belief in yourself that actually sticks. Now we're gonna start with something really important.

We're gonna take a look at what confidence isn't and why you've been chasing the wrong thing. So let's kill some myths right now. Confidence isn't about being the loudest person in the room, always knowing the answer, or acting like nothing scares you. That's not confidence, that's performance. And that's what people do when they feel like they have something to prove.

Real confidence looks like saying I don't know but I'm willing to find out. Real confidence sounds like asking for help without feeling weak. And real confidence feels like discomfort but choosing to show up anyway. You know what's exhausting? Faking it.

Pretending. Smiling when you're terrified inside. That's not growth. That's burnout. Now let me give you a lightbulb moment.

Confidence isn't about being better than others. It's about trusting yourself even when you're not at your best. Ask yourself when was the last time you felt pressure to act confident? What were you trying to protect? Now here's the truth that no one tells you confidence comes from self trust.

So that means when you say that you'll do something you follow through with it. When you try something hard, you don't crumble the moment it starts to feel uncomfortable. And when you mess up, you don't spiral, you reset. This trust doesn't come from being perfect. It comes from evidence, proof that you're reliable to yourself.

Every time that you show up for you when no one else is watching, your brain takes a log of this. You're literally training your nervous system to believe I've got this even when I don't get it right first time. And when you base confidence on that kind of internal track record, no one can take it from you because it's yours. Now a little bit about science. Your brain's neuroplasticity means that it rewires based on what you do consistently, not what you say, wish or plan.

So build trust and confidence will follow. Now I'm gonna teach you about the micro promise rule. Because let's be realistic, big goals feel great to write down, but if you keep breaking promises to yourself, that's just gonna chip away at your confidence fast. And that's where the micro promise comes in. They're tiny, doable commitments that rebuild your self trust brick by brick.

So for example, you say, I'll revise for thirty minutes before dinner. You do it. You say, I won't text my ex today, and you don't. You say, I'll go for a walk at 4PM. You show up even if it's raining.

Now this is not about impressing anyone. It's about creating a pattern that says, I back myself. I finish what I start. Every time you follow through, your brain gets the message we're becoming reliable. And if you break it too often, then your brain also makes note of that.

Not to shame you, but because your brain is always tracking what it can expect from you. So ask yourself, what's one micro promise that you keep breaking? Now what would change if you actually kept it for three days? Now this is something that most people get confused on. Confidence comes after action, not before.

Now a lot of the time we're taught to wait until we feel ready, but your brain isn't built like that. Your fear response, hello, amygdala, we talked about that a lot in the past, that kicks in first. It warns you before your thinking brain, the prefrontal cortex, can reason with it. Translation, you're gonna feel the fear before you feel the confidence. But confidence grows in the doing.

You felt shaky before making that first phone call. You were awkward the first time you spoke up in class. You bummed your first presentation but did the second one better. That's how it works. You take the risk, you stumble, you adjust, you realise that you didn't die and your brain logs it as oh, maybe we can do hard things.

Now the key shift here is stop waiting to feel brave. Start acting even whilst you're scared about it. Confidence will meet you there. Now there's one thing that you really need to know. You're already confident somewhere, and here's how to use that.

Now you're not starting from zero so let me prove it. Think about something that you're good at gaming, cooking, drawing, banter, problem solving, riding a bike. Now ask yourself how did I get good at that? Did I start confident or did I practice, mess up and then try again? Exactly.

You built confidence without even noticing through repetition, resilience and small wins over time. Now apply that same blueprint. Practice. Get it wrong. Keep going.

Because confidence isn't a gift. It's a system, and it's one that you already know how to use. So just think about it for a second. Where in your life are you already confident and how did you get there? Now let's not pretend.

It's not gonna be always smooth sailing. You're gonna mess up. You're going to freeze, you're going to say the wrong thing or you'll back out of something that you meant to do. But here's what confident people do differently. They don't turn it into a story about their worth.

They ask what went wrong? What can I learn from that? What's my next move? Confidence is about resilience, not perfection. So let's just try a little mini reframe.

So instead of I embarrassed myself, try that was really rough, but I'll handle it better next time. So what happens here is confidence grows every time that you recover without tearing yourself down. So let me set you a plan for this week. I want you to choose one small micropromise. Make sure that it's small and achievable and keep it for three days straight.

No excuses. I want you to do something and act before you feel ready for it. Just find something. Press send. Raise your hand.

Say yes. Take a risk. So then I want you to spot somewhere in your life where you already back yourself and use that as the blueprint. And then reframe one small fail. If something went sidewards write down what it taught you not just what hurt.

Because you're not chasing confidence anymore You're building it on your own terms. So do you need a boost? I've done a cheat sheet for you and you'll find the link in the description for the show notes. So download it, stick it where you'll see it, and let it guide you when the nerves start to kick in. Now if you know someone who would benefit from listening to this episode, don't keep it to yourself.

I want you to share the podcast and just start that quiet ripple because you never know what that one message is gonna shift, and I will be properly grateful for you for doing that. So what's coming up in the next episode? We're gonna take a look at why change feels so hard even when you want it. Now it's not about laziness it's about brainwiring and we're going to break it down so that you can start to shift what's stuck. So until then back yourself because you are much stronger than you think you are.

See you in the next episode.