How to Deal with People Who Don’t Get You

We’ve all had moments where we try to explain ourselves to someone, only to be met with a blank stare, an eye-roll, or a dismissive comment. You open up about something important and they brush it off. You share something you’re proud of and they smirk. You set a boundary and suddenly you’re “overreacting.” It’s frustrating, draining, and confusing — and it can leave you questioning yourself. Am I being too much? Am I wrong? Am I the problem?

Here’s the truth: being misunderstood doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It means the other person doesn’t have the tools, perspective, or willingness to understand what you’re saying. Today, we’re talking about why being misunderstood hurts so much, the different ways people show they don’t get you, and three practical tools to help you respond without losing your confidence.

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Why Being Misunderstood Hurts

When someone misunderstands you, it isn’t just annoying — it hits something much deeper. Human beings are wired to connect. From the moment you’re born, your brain scans for signs that you belong. When someone understands your feelings, your choices, or your struggles, your brain hears, “You’re safe. You fit. You matter.”

But when someone dismisses, twists, or ignores what you’re saying, your brain interprets it as the opposite: “You’re on the outside. You don’t belong here.” That’s why it stings so intensely.

If you tell a parent you’re stressed and they say, “Don’t be silly,” it feels like your feelings don’t matter.
If a teacher labels you as lazy when you’re actually overwhelmed, it feels like an attack on who you are.
If friends laugh at your hobbies or passions, it makes you question whether it’s safe to show your real self.

Your reaction isn’t weakness — it’s biology. Feeling misunderstood threatens your sense of belonging, safety, and self-worth. That’s why it hurts much more than people realise.

The Different Ways People Show They Don’t Get You

Not everyone misunderstands you in the same way. Spotting the pattern helps you understand what’s really going on.

1. The Dismisser

Dismissers wave your feelings away with phrases like:

• “It’s not that deep.”

• “Don’t be so sensitive.”

• “You’ll get over it.”

They often do this because they don’t know how to handle emotions — even their own. Minimising your feelings is their way of avoiding discomfort. But to you, it feels like erasure.

2. The Judge

Judges mock, criticise, or belittle you instead of listening. They make it about them:

• “That’s stupid.”

• “Why would you do that?”

• Or they laugh at you.

Judgment usually comes from insecurity. If they can push you down, they don’t have to look at their own fears. But it lands like rejection.

3. The Pressurer

Pressurers want you to follow their script for your life. They nag, push, guilt trip, or compare you:

• “If you cared about me, you’d do it.”

• “You’ll thank me later.”

• “Why can’t you be more like your brother?”

Pressuring is about control — sometimes to protect you, sometimes to shape you. Either way, it leaves your choices feeling like battles instead of decisions.

Take a moment to reflect:
Which one shows up most in your life — the dismisser, the judge, the pressurer, or a mix depending on the situation?

Why People React This Way

When people don’t get you, it says more about them than about you. But when you’re in the moment, it’s easy to blame yourself. Understanding the real reasons helps remove that weight.

Different Experiences

People can’t always understand something they’ve never lived. If you talk about online anxiety to a parent who didn’t grow up with social media, they literally don’t have the frame of reference.

Fear and Discomfort

Your choices might trigger someone else’s discomfort. If you take a path your family didn’t expect, your independence can feel threatening to them.

Control and Power

Especially in families, not understanding you can be a way of keeping control. If they dismiss you, they don’t have to face what you’re actually saying.

Lack of Skills

Some people simply don’t know how to listen or sit with emotions. They’ve never learned how. So they change the subject, deflect, or minimise.

Once you understand this, things shift. You stop thinking, “What’s wrong with me?” and start seeing, “This is about what they can’t handle.” It doesn’t erase the sting, but it makes it lighter.

Three Tools to Deal With People Who Don’t Get You

You can’t force someone to understand you — but you can change how you respond. These three tools protect your energy, confidence, and identity.

1. Stand By Your Truth Without Overexplaining

When someone dismisses you, you may feel tempted to explain more and more, hoping they’ll eventually understand. But overexplaining usually leaves you drained and no closer to being heard.

Short, clear statements send your brain a powerful message:
“I believe in what I’m saying.”

Overexplaining sends the opposite:
“I need you to believe me before I can believe myself.”

Examples:

• Parent: “You’re overreacting.”
  You: “This feels big for me, and that matters.”

• Friend: “That’s stupid.”
  You: “It makes sense to me.”

• Teacher: “You’re lazy.”
  You: “I don’t see it that way.”

You’re not arguing. You’re stating your truth once — calmly and clearly.

2. Set Boundaries and Stick to Them

Boundaries aren’t walls. They’re instructions for how you want to be treated. And holding them builds self-respect every time.

Examples:

• “I’m not talking about this right now.”
  Then change the subject or walk away if needed.

• “If you make jokes about this again, I’m not sharing with you.”
  Then follow through.

• “I’m not doing that, and I need you to respect it.”
  And hold your ground, even if they push back.

Boundaries aren’t about controlling them — they’re about teaching yourself that your feelings matter.

3. Invest in People Who Do Get You

Not everyone deserves a front-row seat in your life. You may not be able to cut certain people out — family, teachers, classmates — but you can choose who gets your energy, trust, and vulnerability.

Your energy is like a battery.
Arguing with someone who refuses to understand you drains it.
Spending time with people who accept you recharges it.

Examples:

• If family dismisses your passion, lean more on friends, mentors, or online communities who support it.

• If mates mock your interests, share less with them and more with those who appreciate you.

• If you feel out of place in one group, shift your time toward spaces where you feel seen.

Here’s your rule of thumb:
Stop pouring energy into people who’ve shown they won’t value it. Don't water dead plants.

The Bigger Truth

Being misunderstood doesn’t mean you’re wrong or broken.
It doesn’t mean you’re overreacting or dramatic.
It doesn’t mean you’re alone.

It means you’re different — and different is exactly what makes you you.

Anyone who has ever done something bold, creative, or outside the box has been misunderstood. Not because they were wrong, but because they were unique.

Other people’s limits don’t define your reality.
Their misunderstandings don’t shrink your worth.
You don’t need everyone to get you.
You need you to get you — and to stand your ground.

Bringing It All Together

Being misunderstood hurts because it hits our need for belonging.
People show it through dismissing, judging, or pressuring — and their reactions often come from their own limits, not your value.

Now you have tools to handle it:

• Stand by your truth without overexplaining.

• Set boundaries and stick to them.

• Invest your time and energy in people who actually get you.

So here’s your challenge for this week:

Think of one person who often doesn’t get you.
Identify what your truth is in that situation.
Set one small boundary — and hold it.
Then intentionally spend more time with someone who supports you.

Life isn’t about convincing everyone.
It’s about standing strong in who you are, even when some people never understand.

Next Episode: Why Am I Always Tired?

Even when the people around you aren’t dragging you down, something else might be — persistent tiredness. Waking up exhausted, dragging yourself through the day, running on empty.

In the next episode, we’re tackling a big question: Why am I always tired?
And we’ll be looking at what it really means to recharge your energy, protect it, and feel alive again.