How to Deal with People Who Don’t Get You

Mark:00:02

My name's Mark, and you're listening to Head Straight. Hello, you lot, and welcome back to this episode where we're gonna be taking a look at how to deal with people who just don't get you. Now we've all been there, trying to explain ourselves to someone who just doesn't get it. You say how you feel and they wave it away like it's nothing. You share something that you're proud of and they just roll their eyes and smirk.

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Or you set a boundary and suddenly you're seen as overreacting. Now it's frustrating. It's exhausting. And sometimes it makes you question yourself. Am I being too much?

Mark:00:53

Am I wrong? But here's the truth. Being misunderstood doesn't mean that you're broken. It means that the other person doesn't have the tools, the perspective, or maybe even the willingness to meet you where you are. So today, we're gonna be talking about why being misunderstood hits so hard.

Mark:01:13

We're also going to look at the different ways that people show that they don't get you. And then we're going to take a look at three ways that you can respond without losing your confidence in the process. Now when someone doesn't get you, it's not just irritating. It can feel like a punch in the gut. And the reason is humans are wired to connect.

Mark:01:34

From the time you're little, your brain is scanning for signs that you belong. When people understand you, your feelings, your choices, your struggles, it signals safety. It tells your brain, I'm okay here. I fit. I'm accepted.

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But when they don't, when they dismiss or twist what you're saying, your brain hears the opposite. I'm on the outside. I don't belong here. And that's why it hurts so much. It hits your most basic need.

Mark:02:08

For example, with parents, if you open up and they say, don't be silly or you're just being dramatic. It's not just words. It feels like your feelings just don't matter, and that cuts deep. And what about with teachers? You're overwhelmed, but you get laboured as lazy.

Mark:02:28

It's not just a bad grade. It's an attack on your character, like they've decided who you are without even seeing you. And maybe with friends. If you share your hobby or passion and they laugh and just make fun of it, it's not just banter. It makes you question whether it's safe to be your real self around them.

Mark:02:48

And here's the thing your reaction isn't weakness and it's not oversensitive. It's biology. When people misunderstand you, your brain feels threatened. It's not just about the moment, It's about your place in the group, your sense of being accepted, and your right to exist as you are. That's why it stings so much.

Mark:03:11

Being misunderstood just doesn't bruise your ego. It shakes your whole sense of belonging. Now, not everyone misunderstands you in the same way, and knowing the type that you're dealing with will help you spot it faster instead of blaming yourself. Now the first type is the dismisser. Now these are people who wave your feelings away.

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They hit you with lines like, well, it's not that deep. Don't be so sensitive. Well, you'll get over it. Now why do they do it? Well, sometimes they genuinely don't know how to handle emotions, maybe even their own.

Mark:03:52

Minimizing is their way of avoiding discomfort, but to you, it feels like erasure. For example, you say you're stressed about exams and your parent replies, back in my day, well, we just got on with it. You're left feeling like your struggle just isn't valid. Now the next type is the judges. Now these ones criticize or mock you instead of listening.

Mark:04:17

They make your choices about them, not you. You open up, and they just shut you down with, well, that's stupid, or why would you do that or worse, they just laugh at you. So why did they do it? Well, judgment often comes from insecurity. If they can make you feel small, they don't have to look at their own stuff.

Mark:04:41

But to you, it feels like rejection. For example, you're proud of drawing, gaming, or posting your first video online. And your mates? Well, they just rolled their eyes and started taking the piss. What was exciting to you now just feels embarrassing.

Mark:05:00

Then you've got the pressurers. Now these are people who want you to live by their script. They push, nag, or guilt trip you until you cave. You'll hear things like, if you cared about me, you'd do it, or you'll thank me later for this, or why can't you just be more like your brother? Now the reasons why they do it is because pressuring is about control.

Mark:05:27

Sometimes it's parents trying to protect you. Sometimes it's friends trying to fit you into their mould. But either way, your choices don't feel like your own anymore. For example, you tell your family that you want a career in art, and they suddenly push back with, well that's not realistic. You need to be a doctor or a lawyer.

Mark:05:48

Suddenly, your dream feels like a battle. Now I just want to quickly check-in with you. Which one of these feels most familiar in your life? Do you get dismissed, judged or pressured? Or all three depending on the situation.

Mark:06:05

So let me tell you why people react this way. Because here's the truth. When people don't get you, it usually says a lot more about them than it ever does about you. But in the moment, it's really easy to forget that and blame yourself instead. So let's break down some of the reasons why people react this way.

Mark:06:26

The first one is different experiences. If someone's never been through what you're going through, then they don't have the same frame of reference. It's like describing colors to someone who's only ever seen in black and white. For example, you tell a parent that you're anxious about social media, and they shrug because when they were your age, social media didn't even exist. Their world was different.

Mark:06:53

And there's also fear and discomfort. Sometimes your choices or feelings make other people feel uncomfortable because it forces them to look at their own stuff. For example, you say you're taking a different path to your family's expectations and they shut you down. Not because you're wrong, but because your independence feels really scary to them. Then we also have control and power.

Mark:07:19

Especially in families, not getting it can be a way of staying in control. If they dismiss you, they don't have to face what you're really saying. For example, maybe you set a boundary with a parent by saying, I don't want to be spoken to like that, and they snap back with, don't answer me back. It's not about understanding you. It's about them holding the power.

Mark:07:46

And we also have lack of skills. Now this one is really important. Some people simply don't know how to listen. They've never learned how to sit with feelings, their own or anyone else's. So they deflect, dismiss or change the subject.

Mark:08:02

For instance, you tell a friend that you're struggling mentally and they reply with cheer up, it can't be that bad. They're not being cruel they're just unskilled. And here's the key, and this is really important for you to understand. Their reaction is about their limits, not your worth. When you remember this, the sting doesn't vanish, but it feels lighter.

Mark:08:26

You stop asking, what's wrong with me? And start realizing this is about what they can't handle, not about who I am. And that shift is massive because it moves the weight off your shoulders. Now we're gonna take a look at three ways to deal with this, because this is where we get practical. You can't force people to understand you, but you can change how you respond.

Mark:08:55

And so I'm going to give you three tools to look at. And each of these three tools works not just because they sound good, but because they protect your energy, your confidence, and your identity. And the first tool is stand by your truth without overexplaining. When someone dismisses or judges you, your instinct might be to argue harder, to explain every little detail, hoping that if they just hear enough, they're gonna finally get it. But nine times out of 10, that's just gonna leave you feeling drained and no close to being understood.

Mark:09:33

Here's why this works. Short, clear statements tell your brain, I believe in myself. Overexplaining sends the opposite message. Your brain hears, maybe I need them to believe me before I can believe me. By keeping it brief, you protect your energy and show confidence even if they never agree.

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For example, your parent may say, you're overreacting. And your reply to this could be, this feels big to me, and that matters. A friend might say, well, that's stupid. Your reply to this? It makes sense to me.

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The teacher says, you're lazy. Your reply to this could be, I don't see it that way. Now you're not asking for permission. You're stating your truth once, clearly, and leaving it at that. The next tool to try is set boundaries and stick to them.

Mark:10:41

Now boundaries aren't about shutting people out. They're about teaching people how to treat you. Think of them like invisible lines that protect your space. And when someone pushes against them which they will sticking to them proves to you that your needs matter. And here's why it works.

Mark:11:02

Your brain builds self respect every time that you hold a boundary. It's like reps in the gym. The more you practice, the stronger you feel. And when someone repeatedly ignores your boundaries, well, this is revealing. It's showing you just how much or how little they actually respect you.

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So examples of setting these boundaries? You could say something like I'm not talking about this right now And then change the subject or leave the room if they push. You could also say something like If you keep making jokes about it, then I'm gonna stop sharing with you. And then actually stop sharing if they continue. Or you could say something like, I'm not doing that, and I need you to respect it, and then follow through even if it annoys them.

Mark:11:57

Boundaries work because they're not about controlling others. They're about controlling how you respond. And the third tool is invest in people who get you. Now not everyone deserves a front row seat in your life, and you will have heard me say that to you before. You can't always cut people out completely, family, teachers, classmates, but you can choose where you put your time, energy, and trust.

Mark:12:26

Here's why this works. Your energy is limited. Think of it like a battery. Every time you argue with someone who refuses to see you, you're draining it. But when you spend time with people who respect you, even if they don't fully get you, your battery recharges.

Mark:12:44

And over time, that shift shapes your self esteem. For example, if your family dismisses your passion, lean more on a mentor or a friend or an online community that supports it. If your mate mocks your interests, share less with them and more with the people who actually listen to you. If you feel out of place in one group, spend more time in places where you feel seen, a club, a team, or an online forum. So I want you to set yourself a rule.

Mark:13:17

Stop pouring energy into people who've already shown that they won't value it. Don't water dead plants. And here's the gold. These three strategies work because they pull you out of the trap of chasing understanding. Instead, you stand by your truth, protect your boundaries, and invest in people who actually see your worth.

Mark:13:41

That's how you start feeling small in the face of misunderstanding and start standing tall in who you are. Now here's the gold. Being misunderstood doesn't mean that you're wrong. It doesn't mean that you're broken. It doesn't even mean that you're alone.

Mark:13:58

It means you're different, and different is exactly what makes you you. Think about it. Anyone who's ever done something bold, creative, or outside the box has been misunderstood at first. Why? Well, because they weren't like everyone else.

Mark:14:16

So when someone doesn't get you, remember, their limits don't define your reality. Their misunderstandings don't shrink your worth. And sometimes being misunderstood is proof that you're living authentically. Because you don't need everyone to get you. You need to get yourself and hold your ground.

Mark:14:41

So now let's pull this together. Being misunderstood hurts because we're wired to want connection. People show it in different ways dismissing, judging, pressuring. And often it says more about their limits than about your value. But now you've got tools.

Mark:15:02

Stand by your truth without overexplaining. Set boundaries and stick to them, and invest in people who do get you. So let me set you your challenge for this week. I want you to think of one person who often doesn't get you, and I want you to decide what's your truth in that situation. Then I want you to set one small boundary and hold it, And then spend more energy on someone who supports you.

Mark:15:38

Because life isn't about convincing everyone. It's about standing strong in who you are, even when some people just don't get it. So before we take a look at what's happening in the next episode, I've got a little request from me. If what we've talked about today feels really familiar, then bring it up with someone. See where the conversation goes.

Mark:16:02

And if you want to keep reflecting, then I want you to follow this podcast because there's plenty more episodes coming up. So let's just take a look at what we're going to do next week. Because there's another challenge that lots of us face. One that drags you down even when no one else is around. That consistent tiredness.

Mark:16:24

Waking up exhausted, dragging yourself through the day, and running on empty. In the next episode, we're asking the question, why am I always tired? And we're gonna take a look at ways in which you can get your energy back. Because it's not just about sleep. It's about learning how to recharge properly, protect your energy, and finally feel alive again.

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So are you up for it? Of course you are.