Headstraight

Hello, you lot, and welcome back to the Head Straight podcast. As I said, welcome back. And in this episode, we're gonna be taking a look at the question around, why can't I control my feelings? So why does it sometimes feel like you're on this emotional roller coaster and you didn't sign up for it? Now you're not the only one who's wondered why feelings, whether it's anger, sadness, anxiety, or even excitement, can feel so intense and out of control.

Now you've probably heard people telling you all the time, calm down, stop overreacting, or even control your feelings. But here's the thing. What does control your feelings even mean? Is it just a matter of shutting them off, ignoring them, or worse, pretending that they're just not there? The truth is, controlling emotions is complicated.

It's not about shutting things down or acting like things don't exist. And it's definitely not about stuffing everything inside. It's about figuring out why emotions feel so big and sometimes take over, and learning what you can do to handle them better. That's where this whole journey starts. We're gonna get into why emotions seem to have their own agenda, and what really happens in your brain when they take over.

We'll talk about why certain emotions, especially anger and fear, can hit hard. Why sadness sometimes lingers longer than you want it to, and why it seems they don't just go away when you want them to. By the end, we'll also look at what it really means to handle emotions, and how to make peace with them without letting them run your life. So let's take this step by step. Grab a seat, settle in, and let's figure out how to make sense of this whole emotions thing.

So we're gonna take a look at why emotions feel so intense, especially for you right now. If it seems like your emotions are on high gear all the time, there's actually scientific reason for that. During your teenage years, your brain is in hypergrowth mode. This means that your brain is constantly changing with different parts developing at different speeds. Your amygdala, the part of the brain responsible for handling emotions, fear, and survival instincts is fully online and working at full speed.

But the prefrontal cortex, the part responsible for thinking things through, problem solving, and controlling impulses is still maturing. In simple terms, you've got a powerful gas pedal for your emotions, but a still developing brake system for your logical thinking and self control. Now the result, emotions can feel a lot bigger, faster, and stronger than they actually are. So if you've ever had that moment where you feel like your heart's racing or you're about to explode with frustration, that's your amygdala talking. And it can feel like it's taken over.

It's designed to make you react usually quickly and intensely. Now, your brain thinks it's helping you to stay safe and survive, even if the situation doesn't really require that level of intensity. But it's not just the brain structure, it's also the kinds of situations and pressures you're facing now. So think about it, navigating school, friends, family, figuring out who you are, maybe thinking about your future, there's a lot happening, and emotions are wired to respond to those things. They're like an early warning system, sounding alarms to get you to pay attention to what's happening around you.

Now, not all emotions hit the same. Some like anger and fear tend to dominate when they come up, and this is because they're tied to survival instincts. Let's talk about a few of these heavy lifters and why they sometimes feel impossible to handle. Anger is one of the strongest emotions and it's actually tied to survival. When you're angry, your brain interprets it as something is wrong, fix it now.

Anger gives you a jolt of energy, ramps up your heart rate, and even causes your muscles to tense up so you're ready for action. It's not that your brain wants you to be angry, it's that it thinks that being angry might help you to fix a problem fast. But the problem is anger isn't always logical. Sometimes you get angry about things that don't actually need a fix. Maybe a friend made a sarcastic comment, or your parents won't let you go out, or you failed a test.

Anger can make you feel like you need to do something, and that's where it can get tricky. Acting on anger often feels satisfying in the moment, but it doesn't always solve the problem. In fact, it can create a whole bunch of new ones. Now fear is another big one, and it's all tied to survival. Fear is basically your brain's way of saying, watch out, there might be a danger.

It's why you feel that adrenaline spike, and your heart beats faster, and you feel an urge to run, hide, or fight. Fear doesn't care if the threat is real or imagined, it treats them both the same. But here's the catch, a lot of things can trigger fear, and sometimes it gets triggered even when there is no actual danger. Ever felt nervousness before a big test, a game, or even before talking to someone you like? That's fear.

Even though logically, you know there's nothing life threatening going on. This is your brain getting ahead of itself, trying to protect you even when you don't need it to. Let's talk about sadness. Sadness can also feel intense, but it's a different kind of intense. Sadness is often your brain's way of slowing you down so that you can process something that's happened, whether it's a loss, disappointment, or something that didn't go the way you wanted.

Whilst anger and fear push you to act quickly, sadness pulls you back. It can feel heavy, lingering for longer than you'd like it to. The tricky part about sadness is that it often brings thoughts with it, and those thoughts can lead to even more sadness. Think of it as a loop. You feel sad, you start to think about why you're sad, and those thoughts make you feel even worse.

This is why sadness can sometimes feel so consuming and hard to shake. So let's have a think about what controlling your emotions actually means. Now when people say control your emotions, they often make it sound like you should just be able to shut off your feelings, like flipping a switch. But that's not realistic. And honestly, it's not even healthy.

Emotions exist for a reason. Now they're often signals from your brain and body that something's happening, and they're meant to get your attention. Trying to completely control or ignore them often backfires, leading to even bigger emotional blow ups later. So what does it mean to control them? The better goal is to manage your emotions.

Now think of it as learning to ride the waves instead of getting drowned by them. It's about recognizing what you're feeling, figuring out why you're feeling that way, and deciding what you wanna do about it, instead of letting the emotion take over and making the choices for you. So how can you start taking control of your emotions? Now here's a road map to help you start managing your emotions in a way that actually works. Firstly, recognize what you're feeling.

Now, this might sound really basic, but a lot of people don't take a second to even name what they're feeling. Now, it's hard to manage what you can't identify. So start by asking yourself, what am I feeling right now? Try to be as specific as you can. Instead of saying, I feel bad, think, I feel anxious, or I feel frustrated.

Now naming the emotion helps put some distance between you and the feeling. The next step is understand the trigger. Once you know what you're feeling, the next step is to figure out why. Did something specific happen to cause this emotion? Maybe a friend let you down, or you're feeling stressed about something coming up.

Knowing the trigger gives you more context and can help you to understand if the emotion makes sense for the situation or if it's just your brain's alarm system going off unnecessarily. The next thing is to check your reactions. Now that you know what you're feeling and why, you can choose how to react. For example, if you're feeling angry, ask yourself if reacting in the moment will help or hurt the situation. Now bear with me with this.

Maybe taking a few deep breaths, or counting to 10, or even stepping away for a bit, probably will help you respond more calmly. If you're feeling sad, maybe it's worth talking to someone about it instead of bottling up all of those feelings. The next step is challenging your thoughts. Now sometimes, emotions are tied to exaggerated or distorted thoughts. For example, if you're feeling anxious about a presentation, you might be thinking everyone's gonna think this is crap, and I'm really gonna mess this up and look stupid.

Challenge these thoughts. Is it really true that everyone's gonna think it's crap? What's the worst that could actually happen? Now by challenging your thoughts, you can start to realize that not everything your mind's telling you is actually true. The next step, practice letting go.

Now, there are times when you just have to ride out the emotion. Not every feeling requires a big action or response. Sometimes it's about recognising that it's okay if I'm angry right now, but it's gonna pass. Or I'm nervous, but this feeling's not gonna last forever. Remind yourself that emotions come in waves.

They don't last forever, even when they feel like they're going to. So to wrap up, let's think about how to make peace with your feelings. Now, learning to manage your emotions isn't about flipping an off switch whenever you feel something intense. It's about understanding what's going on in your brain, recognising your feelings, and making choices that help you to handle those feelings in a way that's good for you and those around you. Emotions aren't enemies.

They're signals. The more you practice listening to them without letting them take over, the more control you're gonna feel over your life. Now you're not gonna get this perfect all the time, and that's normal. The goal here isn't to be some emotionless robot. It's to get comfortable enough with your feelings that they don't throw you off track.

So next time your emotions start to pull you in all directions remember that you've got options. You're in the driver's seat no matter how loud your feelings might get in the passenger seat. So now we've broken down why emotions feel so intense and what to do when they take over. There's one more piece that can make a huge difference, having the right people around you. Now, in the next episode, we're gonna dive into a question that lots of people have asked.

How do I get a better support network? We'll talk about what a real support system looks like, beyond just the friends that you hang out with, and how to find people who genuinely have your back, whether it's building closer friendships, getting along better with family, or finding some mentors who actually care, recovering all of it. So if you're tired of feeling like you're handling everything on your own, don't miss this one. There's probably something in it for you.