Headstraight

Hello, My name's Mark, and you're listening to HeadStraight. So welcome back to this episode. And today, we're gonna look at how to make better choices. Now you know that moment when you've made a decision and your brain immediately screams, what were you thinking? Now maybe it's saying yes to something that Yuri didn't want to do, snapping at someone you care about, or getting caught up in a situation you wished you'd walked away from.

Yeah. We've all been there. The truth is bad choices happen. Sometimes it's emotions running wild. Other times it's pressure from someone else.

And occasionally, it's just feeling like you're out of your depth. But here's the thing. Bad choices don't define you. What really matters is how you learn from them and move forward. Now this isn't gonna be one of those just make better decisions lectures.

Instead, let's talk about why some choices feel so hard, how to spot when someone's trying to steer you the wrong way, and the ways to start making decisions that feel right for you. Sounds good? Then let's dive in. So let's just take a look. Choices don't go sideways for no reason.

There's usually something driving them, and it often comes down to 2 big things, emotions and pressure. So picture this. You've had a day where absolutely everything went wrong. Your homework's a mess. Someone made a snide comment at lunch.

And by the time you get home, you're about ready to explode. Then one of your siblings wanders in saying something innocent but irritating, and boom, you snap. Now it feels good for about 2 seconds, and then the guilt hits. Does this sound familiar? Okay.

Well, this is your emotional brain taking the wheel. It's like driving a car with a supercharged accelerator, but with real dodgy brakes. When emotions like anger, stress, or fear flood in, logic tends to check out. That's why you might say or do something in the heat of the moment that you wouldn't dream of doing otherwise. But what if you could pause just for a second in that moment?

What if instead of snapping you took a second to breathe and ask yourself, am I mad at them or is this about my day? Now that tiny pause could change everything. And then there's the kind of decision where someone's pushing you hard. Now maybe it's your mate trying to get you to bunk off a lesson at school or someone guilting you into something with lines like, look, if you cared, you'd do this. Now it's tricky.

Right? Especially when saying no feels like it'll make you the bad guy. But here's the trick. When you're feeling that pressure, ask yourself, who's benefiting from me saying yes here? Now if it's not you, then maybe it's time to step back and think it over.

Real friends won't try to push you into choices that don't sit right with you. People who do? Well, they might not have your best interests at heart. So let's take a look at something that's gonna help you rethink this in the moment. It's something called the stop framework.

So if you've ever felt like a choice is coming at you so fast that you don't even have the time to think, that's where the stop framework comes in. Now this is useful because it gives you space to figure out what you actually want. And here's how it works. Stop is an acronym, so each letter means a particular thing. So the s is for stop, literally.

Stop what you're doing, take a breath, and don't react just yet. The t is to think. What's really going on here? Are you feeling angry, sad, stressed, or pressured? What's driving the decision that you're just about to make?

O is options. What are your choices right now? Just lay them out in front of you. Which one feels right for you, not for someone else? P is proceed.

Once you've thought it through, make your choice, the one that aligns with your values and what matters to you. So So let's take a look at it in action. Let's think about a time when you're under social pressure. Now let's say your mates wanna bunk off a lesson. Stop.

Think. If I skip, how will this affect me later? Do I actually want to do this? Then choose what works best for you. Now let's just think about it in terms of relationships.

You might have someone who's really pushing your boundaries. So stop. Think. Am I okay with this? What are my limits?

And then go with a decision that feels right for you. There may be times when there's big life choices, when you're torn between 2 options, maybe applying for a job or staying focused on school. So again, stop. Take your time, think it through with someone you trust and then make a choice that works for your future. Now it's clear when doing this when standing up for your own needs and your own wants and wishes, you're gonna have to say no to someone.

So how do you say no without sounding rude? Because if someone's pressuring you and you're struggling to say no, just try this. Say something like, you know what? I've thought about it, but I can't. Now that's really short and sweet and to the point.

You might be able to say something like, look. This just doesn't work for me right now. Or you could say something like, do you know what? Thanks for asking, but I'm gonna pass on that. Now these are polite but firm ways to stand your ground without overexplaining yourself.

Because believe me, somebody might want you to explain the reasons why, but you don't necessarily have to do that. No sometimes is a complete sentence. Now this is not about being perfect every time. It's about practicing. The more you you stop, the easier it's gonna get.

Now there's something here that I want you to really think about. Have you ever agreed to something even though every fiber of your being is screaming no? Now this is frustrating, but let's talk about why this happens. Because sometimes it's not just about you being too nice or indecisive. Manipulation plays a big role here.

And let's talk about it because it's sneaky. Now let's have a look at why manipulation works. Now people that use manipulation know exactly where to aim. They aim right square slap bang in the middle of your insecurities. They twist your fear of disappointing others, your need to belong, or even your sense of guilt.

And then when they do, they make their request seem less like a favor and more like an obligation. So just picture this, a mate says to you, look if you don't help me with this, I'm screwed. You're the only one I can count on. Now this sounds urgent. Yeah?

But notice the guilt that they've subtly loaded on your shoulders. It's no longer about whether you want to help. It's about whether you're willing to let them down. Let's have a look at something else. Now imagine you're in school.

You've already got a full plate with a history essay due and a family dinner planned for tonight, and then your mate, Ben, asks for help with his presentation because he just can't figure it out. And he adds, I helped you loads last term, so don't leave me hanging now. Now Ben's appeal hits 2 insecurities, loyalty and fairness. Now you feel like you owe him. Even if the timing's terrible, the guilt builds until you hear yourself saying, alright, I'll help you with that.

Now your essay is rushed and your family's really annoyed because you missed dinner. But what if you could pause here? What if you recognize the manipulation for what is? Now this is a situation where if you've stood up for yourself and you've declined the very very kind offer made by your mate, you might hear phrases like look if you really cared you'd do this or don't you think you owe me? Now there are some ways to respond to this.

And firm and polite clear responses maybe sound something like look I care about you but I need to focus on my priorities right now. Or look I've helped before but this time I can't. You're gonna have to manage. Or look. I hear what you're saying, but I'm making the best decision for me.

So I just want you to think of a time when someone used guilt or pressure to get you to say yes. How did you feel? Now imagine if you'd set the boundary instead. What could have been different about the way that situation turned out for you? Now recognizing manipulation isn't about being rude.

It's about valuing yourself enough to stand firm. And when you start spotting those tactics, you'll find it much easier to say, no thanks, without the guilt. Now there's gonna be times when you've made a choice or made a decision that maybe wasn't the best one, that's maybe had consequences for yourself or other people. Now we all need to take responsibility for these choices. But it isn't just about saying, yeah.

I messed up. It's about what you do after. Now regret can feel really heavy, especially if your choice hurt someone else or had consequences that you didn't expect. But owning your decisions is about learning how to deal with that regret constructively and making things right, both for yourself and if necessary for other people. So here's how to turn regret into a tool for growth.

The first step is acknowledge what happened. Start by facing the choice head on. Denying or avoiding it is not gonna help here, and it only drags out the feeling of regret. Be honest with yourself about what happened, why you made the choice, and how it turned out. So ask yourself, what was I trying to achieve here?

Was I acting out of fear, pressure, or emotion? Did I think about the impact that this might have? Now acknowledging the situation doesn't mean beating yourself up. It's about understanding it so that you can take the next step. The next step is making amends if you hurt someone.

If your choice has hurt someone else, then you need to take responsibility. Owning up to it might feel uncomfortable, but it's one of the most powerful things that you can do to rebuild trust and show that you're willing to grow. Here's how to do it. Apologize sincerely. Be specific about what you're sorry for.

For example, look. I'm really sorry I snapped at you earlier. It really wasn't fair, and I can see that it really upset you. The second thing to do is acknowledge the impact. Show that you understand how your actions affected them.

For instance, look, I realized what I says might have made you feel unsupported and that's not what I wanted. And then ask what you can do to make it right. For instance, look. How can I make this better? Is there anything that I can do to fix things?

Now it's not about over apologizing or trying to make them forgive you instantly. It's about showing genuine accountability. Then the one thing that you need to do is reflect and learn. Once you've faced the regret and made amends if needed, it's time to reflect. Think of this as gathering clues to help you make better decisions in the future.

So what patterns do you notice? Do you tend to act impulsively, give in to pressure, or avoid saying no when you should? And what could you do differently? Think about what tools like the stop framework could have helped in the moment. Use these insights to create a plan for how you'll handle similar situations differently next time.

So once you've taken responsibility and reflected, it's time to just let go of the regret. Dwelling on the past won't change it, but it can keep you stuck. Now here's how to release the weight. Forgive yourself. Remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes.

It's part of being human. Think about what you'd say to a mate who was struggling with the same situation. Then focus on the future. Shift your energy towards how you'll do things differently next time. Instead of I messed up think look this is what I learned here.

So I want you now to think of a choice that you regretted. Have you faced it honestly? If it hurt someone is there a way that you can make amends even now? What's the one thing that you'll do differently next time? Now owning your choices isn't about being perfect, it's about showing up, taking responsibility, and learning from your experiences.

Each time you do you're building confidence in yourself and proving that even mistakes can lead to growth. That's what real strength looks like. So messing up doesn't make you a failure. It makes you human. What matters is how you move forwards.

If your choice hurts someone, own it. Learning to trust yourself again takes practice, but every small step counts. Now some of you may put real pressure on yourself, and that's where the hardest pressure can sometimes come from, within. So if you're a perfectionist, remind yourself that it's okay to make mistakes. Progress not perfection is the goal here.

Start by setting smaller more realistic expectations and celebrate when you meet them, even halfway. And it's also time to start letting go of overthinking. So if you find yourself second guessing a decision, remind yourself why you made it in the first place. Ask, did I make this choice based on my values and goals? Now if the answer is yes, trust that you did the best that you could with the information that you had at the time.

So let's just put it all together. Choices shape your life, but no single choice defines you. What matters is taking the time to understand your decisions and using that knowledge to make better ones moving forwards. So to recap, spot the drivers. Are your emotions or someone else's pressure steering your decisions?

Use the stop framework. Pause, think, explore your options, and move forward with intention. Recognize manipulation. Learn to spot guilt tripping, gaslighting, and other tactics so that you can protect yourself. Own your choices.

Mistakes are lessons. Reflect, adjust, and grow from them. Every time you take a moment to pause or make a choice that feels true to you, you're proving to yourself that you're capable. So here's the challenge. Pick one decision today, big or small, it doesn't matter, and approach it differently.

Use stop, trust your gut, or stand up for what feels right to you, then take a moment to reflect. What worked? What didn't? And what's the one thing that you try next time? So you're figuring this out, one choice at a time, and that is something to be really proud of.

But before we go, let me just ask you this. Have you ever felt guilty for wanting attention? Like, you're desperate for someone to notice you, but that little voice in your head keeps calling you needy. That guilt? It's not random.

It's tied to your deep fears of rejection, judgment, or just not feeling enough. Now in the next episode, we're really gonna pull this apart. We're gonna unpack where that guilt comes from, how it's holding you back in your relationships, and how to ask for what you need without it all feeling out of control. So if this sounds like something that happens to you, then come along and take a listen. You might learn something new.