Why Your Habits Never Stick — and How to Fix It

My name's Mark, and you're listening to Head Straight. Hello, you lot, and welcome back. Now today, we're gonna be talking about habits. Why they're so difficult to build, why they sometimes collapse, and ways in which you can build them to last. Now, you may remember back in season two when we talked about why change feels so impossible, how your brain clings to old patterns because they feel safe even when those patterns keep you stuck.

Well, this episode picks up right where that one left off. Because understanding why change is hard is one thing. Actually, making it stick, well, that's the real challenge. Now most of us start out strong. This time, I'm gonna get fit.

This time, I'll stay off my phone. This time, I'll finally revise before the night of the exam. And for a few days, we're on fire. Then something happens. Life, stress, tiredness, and before you know it, you're right back down at square one.

Now it's not that you didn't care enough or try hard enough. It's that willpower alone isn't built to last. So in this episode, we're taking that idea from last season, the psychology of change, and we're gonna turn it into something practical. We're gonna take a look at how to build small automatic habits that stick around even when motivation disappears. You're gonna learn why most habits fall apart after a few days, how to design one to actually fit into your life, and the deeper part, how to build habits that shape your identity, not just your to do list.

Because habits aren't really about what you do, they're about who you're becoming. You already know that your brain doesn't like change. We covered that in season two. So let's move past the why it's hard part and look at why the way we usually try to change is almost guaranteed to fail. Now here's the truth.

Most people don't build habits. They build pressure systems. They start with huge goals, rigid rules, and the expectation that sheer effort is gonna carry them through. But effort is limited. And when the buzz wears off, the whole system collapses.

So let me tell you about the three biggest traps that people fall into when trying to build habits at last. The first one is building habits around motivation instead of structure. Now don't get me wrong, motivation feels amazing for about three days. It's the January energy. I'm going to run every morning, eat clean, revise every night, sort my life out.

But motivation is a chemical rush. It's not a strategy. When it fades, and it always does, you're left with a routine that only works under perfect conditions. Now here's why it fails. Motivation spikes don't rewire your brain.

Habits only form through repetition, and repetition only happens when it's built into your environment, not your mood. The second one is designing the ideal version of yourself. You know that fantasy version of you, the one who wakes up early, drinks green smoothies and somehow has time to stretch, journal and smile at the sunrise? Yeah, that version doesn't exist on a Wednesday night when you're tired, stressed and your phone's glowing at you. Most habits fail because they're designed for the imaginary version, not the real messy inconsistent human you actually are.

Because the moment that life stops matching the fantasy, the habit breaks. What works instead is designing habits for your worst day, not your best. If it's doable when you're stressed, tired and unmotivated, then it's gonna survive anything. So let's think about how to move past this. Back in season two, we talked about breaking big goals into tiny manageable steps because small feels safe and your brain doesn't fight against safe.

So let's take that one step further. Starting small isn't about making change easier. It's about building proof. Every small win tells your brain, see, I can do this. And the more proof you collect, the more your brain starts to believe that change isn't a threat.

It's normal. That's how confidence grows. Not from giant leaps, but from micro evidence repeated over time. So why does this work? Let me tell you.

Every time you complete a small habit, one stretch, one paragraph, one glass of water, your brain releases a tiny dopamine hit. That's not just a feel good moment. It's your brain's way of bookmarking success. The more bookmarks you build, the stronger the memory becomes. This behavior is safe.

Let's do it again. And over time, that's how a behavior turns into a pattern, and a pattern turns into identity. It's not magic. It's repetition backed by chemistry. So what does small actually look like?

Now forget big goals like I'll run every morning or I'll revise for an hour. Small means the kind of action that feels too easy to fail. So easy it almost feels pointless. But it's not pointless. It's how you trick your brain into trusting you again.

For example, instead of I'll start journaling, then just write one line. Instead of I'll start eating better, add one glass of water before lunch. Instead of I'll revise for two hours, do five minutes while your tea cools. Instead of I'll start running, just put your trainers on the step outside. That's it.

That's the win. You're not building the perfect routine. You're building the proof that you're someone who follows through. Now the real shift happens when these tiny actions start changing how you see yourself. At first, you're just someone trying to start a habit.

But after a week of tiny consistent effort, you start to think actually, I'm someone who keeps showing up. And that thought, that new identity is where lasting change begins. So just stop for a moment and think. If you stripped away every should and just focused on one tiny action that proves that you're serious about change, what would that action be? And more importantly, what story about yourself would it start to rewrite?

In season two, we talked about habit stacking, attaching a new behavior to something you already do. You brush your teeth, you stretch, you make coffee, you write a line in your journal. Now that still works, but this time we're gonna go further. Anchoring a habit isn't about remembering. It's about rewiring what your environment says about you.

Because every environment that you move through, your room, your phone, your desk, is full of silent cues. Each one tells your brain what kind of a person you are in that space. Messy desk, I'm chaotic. Gym shoes in the corner, I'm someone who trains. Notebook on your pillow, I'm someone who reflects.

The cues around you consistently reinforce identity even when you're not paying attention. So instead of fighting for motivation, just change the cues. Make your environment whisper the story that you're trying to believe. So let's have a think about how to build cues that work for you. The trick isn't to rely on memory.

It's to make the next step automatic. So for example, keep your journal open on your desk, not shut away in a drawer. Put your water bottle beside your phone so that you drink before you scroll. Leave your running shoes by the door, not in the wardrobe. And if you wanna read more, stack the book on top of your charger.

No charge until you've read a page. Each small cue starts to tell your brain this is who we are now. And when you see it often enough, the behavior becomes as normal as brushing your teeth. Now the reason why this works is because your brain builds habits through association loops. Cue, action, reward.

When your environment is full of cues that reflect the person you're trying to become, it's like walking through reminders of your potential. You stop needing willpower to remember because the world around you is already designed to help you to follow through. That's when habits stop being tasks and they become part of your scenery. So just take a moment. Look around your space, your room, your desk, even your phone screen.

What kind of a story does it tell you about you right now? And what's one small cue that you could add that reflects who you're trying to become? You need to reward the habit. And here's something that most people get wrong about rewards. They think rewards are what you earn at the end of the hard bit, but the real power of the reward is that it teaches your brain who you're becoming.

Every time you do something and it feels good, even for a second, your brain marks it as worth repeating. Now that's not laziness. That's neuroplasticity in action. Your brain is constantly asking the question, was it worth the effort? And if the answer is yes, then it'll help you to do it again tomorrow.

If the answer is no, or it feels punishing or pointless, then it quietly drops it from the system. Now when you link a habit to a reward, a good feeling, a moment of calm, a sense of pride, you're not just training behavior, you're reinforcing identity. You're showing your brain this is what it feels like to be someone who follows through. That sense of satisfaction, however small, is the glue that holds the habit in place. Now forget gold stars or big gestures.

The best rewards are instant, personal, and meaningful. Something that lets your brain go, nice one. That was worth doing. So for example, maybe you could give yourself visual rewards. Maybe keep a tracker or calendar where you can cross off each day that you stick with it.

Watching the streak grow gives you the visible history of your effort. Or maybe you prefer a sensory reward. Pair your habit with something you enjoy. Maybe music, a podcast, a hot drink, the first bit of quiet in your day. Or maybe you prefer reflective rewards.

After you've done it, take five seconds to notice how you feel. I feel lighter. I feel calmer. That's your brain learning the payoff. Or maybe you're more someone who prefers social rewards.

And if you are, then tell someone about what you've done. Not to show off, but to reinforce that this version of you is real and growing. So let me tell you what reward actually teaches your brain. Each time you recognise a small success, you strengthen a feedback loop. Action, reward, identity, repeat.

That's how momentum is built, not through perfection, but through repetition that feels good enough to sustain itself. And when you stop waiting for the big wins to feel proud of yourself, you start noticing the dozens of tiny ones that were already happening. So just take a moment. What reward could you build into your next small action? Something that reminds your brain, I'm doing this because this is who I am now.

And what would happen if you stopped waiting for permission to feel proud of yourself? Now here's where it all comes together. Because if you've been following since season two, you already know that lasting change isn't about trying harder. It's about working with your brain, not against it. Now it's time to take that one step deeper.

Habits that last aren't built on rules or motivation. They're built on identity. On the kind of person you're training yourself to believe you are. Every time you repeat a small action, you're casting a vote for your identity. You drink a glass of water a vote for being someone who looks after their body.

You revise for five minutes a vote for being someone who shows up prepared. You take a deep breath before reacting that's a vote for being someone who can stay calm under pressure. The vote doesn't need to be perfect. It just needs to be consistent enough that evidence starts to stack up. Eventually, your brain looks at the pile of votes and goes, okay, maybe this is just who we are now.

Another thing that you need to understand is identity beats discipline. You can only force yourself for so long. Discipline burns out, but identity endures. When you see yourself as someone who goes for a walk, you don't argue with yourself about walking. You just go and do it.

When you see yourself as someone who learns, you don't wait for motivation to open a book. It's just part of your day. And when you start believing I'm someone who looks after my mental health, then self care stops being an effort. It becomes normal. That right there is the real win.

Not control, but alignment. Now, of course, there's another side to this. The identity that you've outgrown. Maybe you've carried stories like I never stick at things, I'm lazy, or I always mess it up. But those stories were built from old evidence, and now you're writing new ones.

Every small repeated action replaces a piece of that old script with something stronger. You're not fixing yourself. You're reintroducing yourself. And when your habits come from identity, the pressure drops. You stop chasing perfect streaks and start collecting evidence instead.

You stop seeing slip ups as failures and start seeing them as proof that you're still showing up, still casting votes for who you want to become. That's what lasting change really looks like. Not perfection, not grind, just identity in motion. So who are you becoming through the habits that you repeat? The small ones that no one sees.

And if those actions are votes for your identity, are they casting the stories that you want to live by? So let's just bring it all together. Back in season two, we unpacked why change felt so impossible. How your brain resists the unfamiliar and pulls you back towards what it knows. This time, we've flipped it.

You've learned how to work with your brain, not against it. You now know most habits fail because they're built on motivation, not design. The ones that start small fit real life and feel rewarding. And the secret? They aren't about self control.

They're about identity. Every small repetition is proof. Every cue that you set, every time you follow through, every moment you notice a reward, that's another vote for the kind of person that you're becoming. So this week, I want you to not chase perfect streaks or massive goals. Instead, pick one small habit that matters to you.

Something simple, human, and real. Anchor it to something that's already part of your day and pay attention not just to what you do, but who you're being whilst you're doing it. Because every time you show up, even in the smallest way, you're reminding yourself, this is who I am now. And that's how lasting change happens, one quiet vote at a time. So what's coming up in the next episode?

You've spent this episode learning how to build small habits to prove who you're becoming, not who you used to be. But even when we're making progress, there's a thought that still creeps in for a lot of us. I'm still not doing enough. Everyone else is miles ahead. Why am I always behind?

And in next week's episode, we'll talk about why your brain constantly compares your life to everyone else's. Why falling behind is often just a story that you've been taught to believe, and how to find your own pace without feeling like you're constantly playing catch up. Because progress isn't a race, it's a rhythm, and you might already be more on track than you realize. So are you up for it? Of course, you are.