The Comparison Trap: Why You Feel Behind — and How to Escape It

My name's Mark, and you're listening to Head Straight. Hello, you lot, and welcome back. In this episode, we're gonna be taking a look at the reasons why you sometimes feel behind in life. And let's be honest, that feeling of being behind can hit really hard. Your mates are getting uni offers or jobs lined up.

People online are showing offside hustles, six packs or dream lives. Even your family might be dropping hints about where they think you should be. And suddenly, you're sat there thinking, I'm falling behind and I should be further ahead by now. Sound familiar? Well, let me say this.

Maybe you're comparing yourself against timelines and expectations that were never yours to begin with. So in this episode, we're going to unpack why you feel behind in the first place, how comparison and shoulds mess with your head. We're going to take a look at tools to reset your own pace and the mindset shift that helps you to see that you're not behind at all. You're exactly where you need to be. Now, that heavy feeling of behind doesn't just appear out of nowhere.

It's shaped by two powerful forces pulling on you every day. Comparison and expectation. So firstly, let me tell you about comparison. Your brain is wired to compare. It's how humans figure out if we're safe, if we belong, if we're good enough.

But in today's world, you're not just comparing yourself to your mates. You're comparing yourself to the entire planet through social media. You know the way it works. Your friend posts about getting their first car while you're still walking or on buses. Someone else flashes their part time job wages while you're still struggling to get work.

On TikTok, you see teenagers your age who seem to already have a career, a brand or a following. Your brain just tunes into their highlight reel and doesn't even think about the 99% of their lives that you're not seeing. And the conclusion it draws? They're ahead and I'm behind. So what about expectation?

Alongside comparison, you're also carrying the weight of other people's timelines parents, teachers, culture, even your own friendship group. Everyone has an idea of what you should be doing by now. For example, your parents might be asking, so what's your plan after school? When you don't even know what you want for lunch. Teachers are saying, if you don't get these grades, then you're gonna fall behind.

Each should is like a brick in a backpack. One brick doesn't feel like much, but stack them together and suddenly you're carrying a load that was never yours to begin with. Now here's the kicker. Comparison and expectation feed each other. You scroll online and you see people achieving.

Then you hear the adults in your life saying that you should be further along. Together, they create a constant background of you're not enough, you're late, you're behind. So just stop for a second and think about the last time that you felt behind. Did it come from looking sideways to someone else or from someone else's expectations landing on your shoulders? There's something else that you need to know about as well.

Why comparison is a trap. Now comparison feels natural. In fact, your brain is wired to do it. To figure out where you stand in the group, whether you're keeping up and whether you belong. Back in the day, that helped humans survive.

If everyone else was out hunting and you were still in a cave, then you really were behind. But here's the problem. Today, you're not just comparing yourself to 10 people in your village. You're comparing yourself to thousands of people on your feed, most of whom are only showing you their best 1%. And this is called the highlight reel illusion.

Social media is just like a shop window. People show you their best outfits, best days, best achievements, whilst all the messy, insecure, boring stuff stays hidden out back. So think about it. You see someone post their perfect relationship pictures, but you don't see the arguments that happen offline. You see exam celebration posts, but not the tears and the stress behind them.

You see a TikTok creator's brand deal, but not the months of rejection emails that happened before it. And yet your brain takes it at face value. You compare your full behind the scenes life with all the stress, doubt, and the mess to someone else's highlight reel. And of course, you feel behind. And comparison also sets you up to lose because the target keeps moving.

The moment you feel like you've caught up, you notice someone else is further ahead. For example, you finally land that part time job and feel proud until you see someone else your age who's already running their own business. Or you pass your driving test, but your friend's already got a car. The finish line keeps shifting and you never feel like you've arrived. It's kind of like you're running a race, but constantly looking sidewards at other people's lanes.

Not only do you trip over your own feet, you also forget that you're not even running the same race. They're on their path and you are on yours. The real danger? Comparison doesn't just make you feel behind, it robs you of the ability to enjoy where you are. Instead of celebrating your progress, you downplay it because someone else seems ahead.

For example, you ace a test that you've revised hard for, but instead of feeling proud about it, you think, yeah, but my mate's still better. Your win gets stolen because comparison hijacks it. Now here's the truth. You can't run your race if you're already watching someone else's. Their pace isn't your pace.

Their timeline isn't your timeline. Now, if comparison is looking sidewards, shoulds are the voices pushing from behind. They're the invisible rules that you never signed up for, but still feel crushed under. From the moment that you were a kid, you were told what you should be doing. Parents, teachers, friends, even strangers.

Everyone has their own version of the timeline. For instance, society lays out a map, go to school, get grades, pick a career, move out, settle down. And if you don't match the map, the message is you're behind. And even if no one says it out loud, the pressure's there in subtle comments, comparisons or the way people look at you when you admit that you don't have a plan. For example, you should know what to do by now.

You should have a boyfriend or a girlfriend already. You should be more confident, mature, responsible. You should look like them. Now here's the key. SHOULD'S and WANT aren't the same.

SHOULD is what other people expect of you. Want is what matters to you. And until you can separate them out, you'll always feel like you're failing someone else's test. But here's the good news. Whilst you can't stop the world throwing comparisons and shoulds at you, you can choose how you respond.

You can reset your pace so that you start running someone else's race and actually start running your own. Here's four ways to do it. The first one is run your own race. Life isn't a 100 meter sprint where everyone starts at the same line. It's a marathon with different start points, detours, injuries and pit stops.

Comparing mile three of your journey to someone else's mile 10 will always make you feel behind. For example, your mate's already got a job and saving money. You haven't landed one yet. That doesn't mean that you're failing. It just means that you're at a different mile marker.

Now the reason why this works is because when you stop looking sidewards and focus on your own lane, you give yourself permission to grow at your pace. And the second way to do it is redefine progress. Most of the time, progress is defined by someone else's checklists, but real progress is about moving consistently in the direction you care about. For example, instead of thinking I should have my career mapped out, you reframe it as I'm exploring options and learning what fits for me. That's progress too, even if it doesn't look finished.

Now, the reason why this works is because redefining progress takes the pressure off milestones and puts it back on growth. And the third way to do it is change your feeds. If scrolling leaves you feeling like you're failing, change what you look at. Your brain becomes what it's fed. If you're feeding it endless highlight reels, no wonder it feels like you're behind.

So for example, instead of following influencers who make you feel insecure about your body, follow creators who talk openly about struggles, growth and real life. That way, your feed becomes a reminder that you're not alone, not a constant comparison game. Now this works because your brain compares what it sees. By controlling what you see, you control the pressure. Another way you can do this is zoom out.

When you zoom in too closely, every setback feels like a disaster. But zoom out and you see that one bad week doesn't ruin the bigger picture. For example, missing one exam grade feels huge in the moment. But if you zoom out, you can realize that it's just one step in a journey that has plenty of turns and recalculations. For example, satnavs don't scream you failed when you miss a turn.

They just recalculate and life is the same. Now the reason why this works is because perspective stops temporary setbacks from becoming permanent labels. Now all four of these tools, running your own race, redefining progress, changing your feed, and zooming out, they all do the same thing. They pull you out of the trap of someone else's timeline and back into your own. So stop for a moment and just think for me.

Which one of these tools do you need most right now? Do you need to zoom out? Change your feed? Remind yourself that you're not running anyone else's race? Now here's the truth.

The idea of being behind is just an illusion. Behind compared to who? Behind compared to what? There's no universal timeline that everyone has to follow. The only timeline that matters is yours.

Now somewhere along the way, we got sold the story that life should unfold like a straight line. School, uni, job, relationships, house, kids, retirement, and death. But life doesn't move in a neat straight line. It zigzags, pauses, loops back. For example, some people find their passion at 15.

Others don't until they're 40. Some like me still haven't quite found it yet. Some people fall in love when they're young, others later. None of them are behind. They're just on different tracks.

So maybe think of it like this. Life is more like a garden. Some plants bloom in spring, some in summer, some take years before they flower. Would you ever tell a sunflower that it's behind the roses? Of course, you wouldn't because it's growing on its own timeline, and so are you.

So you're not behind. You're not failing. You're on your path at your pace. Every detour, delay or pause is part of your story. So just stop for a second and ask yourself this.

What if instead of asking am I behind? You ask am I building a life that feels like mine? So let's just bring it all together and recap. That feeling of being behind comes from comparisons and shoulds. Social media warps your perspective by showing you highlights without the struggles.

Those timelines? They're not real. They're borrowed stories. And you can reset by running your own race, redefining progress, muting triggers and zooming out. And you can build a healthier pace by sticking to your values, leaning on habits, and remembering that details are part of your journey.

So let me set you a challenge for this week. I want you to write down one area where you feel behind. Then ask yourself, compared to who? Compared to what timeline? If it's not yours, then drop it.

Replace it with one small step that matters to you this week. So let's take a look at what's coming up in the next episode. Even when you stop comparing yourself to others and let go of all of the shoulds, there's still one big question left hanging. So what does success actually look like for me? In the next episode, that's exactly what we're looking at.

We're going to unpack why so many of us chase other people's versions of success, how to spot when you're following someone else's script, and how to define success on your own terms. Because the real win isn't ticking boxes. It's building a life that feels right for you. So do you feel ready for it? Of course, you do.