Feeling ‘Not Good Enough’? Here’s What’s Really Going On

Mark:00:01

Hi. I'm Mark, and welcome to Head straight.

Mark:00:17

Hello, you guys. Right. Now today, we're gonna be talking about something that affects almost everyone at some point.

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It's that feeling of not being good enough. Now you probably know the one. It's that quiet voice that creeps in whenever you're trying to do something new or put yourself out there. Maybe it shows up when you're scrolling through social media or you're looking at people who seem to have their lives completely together, or maybe it hits you when you're around people that you respect, and you're starting to wonder if you really measure up to them. Now this isn't some small passing thought either.

Mark:00:49

It's a belief that can get deep under your skin, making you second guess yourself, hold back from things that you wanna do, or even feel like there's just no point even starting or trying. So the big question here is why. Why does this feeling show up, and what's it really about? So we're gonna be breaking this down piece by piece. We're gonna take a closer look at the things that make you feel this way from comparing yourself to everyone around you, to setting impossible standards, to holding on to old voices that aren't even yours.

Mark:01:20

And then we're gonna talk about what you can actually do to start shifting that feeling so it doesn't seem to be running your life so much. Now each point we're about to look at isn't just about recognizing the problem. It's about giving you something solid to think about so that you can start to take control of this feeling instead of letting it control you. So if you're ready to be honest with yourself, let's go. Now the first thing that we're gonna look at is whose voice is this really?

Mark:01:51

So when you hear yourself thinking, I'm not good enough, ask yourself, whose voice does this sound like? So take a moment to look at where that thought came from. Now sometimes this is the voice of a parent who was always quick to point out something that you didn't do quite right, or maybe it was a teacher or a coach who only ever seemed to notice you when you could improve on things. These aren't just random memories. These are seeds that were planted often without us even realizing it.

Mark:02:20

And over time, they've taken root and started to sound like our own inner voice. Let's get specific. Maybe you remember someone telling you something like you'll never get anywhere unless you work harder, or you need to stop being so lazy. Now this stuff sticks, especially when you're young and you haven't built up any defenses against it. After hearing it enough, you start to believe it.

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It morphs from something somebody said once into a truth about who you feel you are. Now here's the kicker. You're still holding on to this thought and belief even if the person who planted it has been long forgotten, or doesn't even mean it anymore. So next time that not good enough voice comes up, try challenging it. Picture that person's face.

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Put their words right back with them, and see if it still rings true for you. Let that voice lose its power by recognizing that it's not your voice. It's just an old echo. Let's have a look at what are you comparing yourself to. Now the comparison game has no winners.

Mark:03:29

Now you're probably measuring yourself up against other people all the time, maybe without even realizing it. And here's the trap. You're comparing your behind the scenes footage to everyone else's highlight reel. Look at social media. People post their best moments, the stuff they want people to see.

Mark:03:47

You're scrolling, seeing people getting accepted into colleges, landing amazing jobs, hanging out with a big friendship groups, or hitting major life milestones, and then you look at yourself and think, now why am I not doing that? But here's what you're missing. They're not posting about their bad days, the times they felt insecure, the days that they were struggling to keep up, and yet, you're holding yourself up to their filtered version of life. Think about it. If you're playing this comparison game, then you're always gonna lose.

Mark:04:19

They're always gonna be someone who looks like they're doing better or has it more together. Try this out. Next time you catch yourself comparing, pause, and make a mental list of something you have, but they don't. Maybe you're resilient, or creative, or have a talent that they don't. And remember, it's not about them.

Mark:04:41

It's about seeing where you've come from and focusing on being better than the old version of yourself, not a stranger online. Now let's take a look at are you setting impossible standards? So when talking about standards, if you're always feeling like you're not good enough, you might wanna check what bar you're setting for yourself. Do you even actually allow yourself to reach it? Now some people have these ridiculously high standards, and keep moving the goalposts.

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They're getting an a on a test and immediately think, yeah, but I should've done better. Or they'll work out consistently, but then think I should be in even better shape than I am. Now let's be real and honest about it. If you keep doing this, then you'll never feel good enough. You're not letting yourself win, and you're just punishing yourself over and over again.

Mark:05:29

And maybe you're setting these high standards because you think that's what motivation is supposed to look like. But a reality check, Motivation doesn't mean being endlessly unsatisfied with yourself. Now try this. Set a small realistic goal and actually celebrate when you reach it. If you're always about working towards something and never pausing to acknowledge your progress, then what's the point?

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Give yourself a break and appreciate where you're at every once in a while. Sometimes just hitting that standard you set for yourself is enough. You don't have to keep raising the bar every time you meet it. You deserve to feel like you're enough exactly where you are. So are you actually trying?

Mark:06:15

Here's where things get interesting. Are you actually putting in the effort, or are you telling yourself you're not good enough as an excuse to avoid trying? Look, it's really tough to ask yourself this, but sometimes not good enough is a shield. It's safer to believe you fail so that you don't have to risk actually putting yourself out there and finding out for real. Think about it.

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If you don't fully commit, then you always have a way out. Right? You can say, oh, well, I wasn't really trying if it doesn't work out. It's like a backup plan. If you don't give it your best, then you never really have to face failure head on.

Mark:06:51

But let's look at the flip side. If you never try, you'll never see what you're actually capable of. Pick one thing, just one, and go all in on it. Whether it's school, a sport, a hobby, a relationship, whatever it is, stop holding back. And if it doesn't go perfectly, at least you know you gave it everything.

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Even if it doesn't turn out how you want, you'll have learned something about yourself, and you'll have proven to yourself that you can put in real effort. So let's think about this. What are you afraid of? Now a lot of times, this not good enough feeling is really just fear in disguise. Fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of other people judging you, or maybe even fear of success and the responsibility that comes with it.

Mark:07:40

You've gotta get specific here. Ask yourself, what am I really afraid of? Let's say you're afraid of looking stupid or failing in front of people. If that's the case, think about it this way. Most people are too wrapped up in their own lives to even notice your so called failures.

Mark:07:58

And people who do notice, they're either insecure in themselves, or they don't have anything else better to do. So here's a tip. Try breaking down your fear into smaller pieces. Instead of facing the whole thing all at once, try facing just one small part of it. Now if you're scared of speaking up in class, try raising your hand once and sharing a small thought instead of waiting until you have the perfect answer.

Mark:08:22

Each time you face down a small piece of your fear, you're proving to yourself that it's not as big and scary as you thought, and bit by bit, the feeling gets smaller. Let me ask you, who are you not good enough for? So let's talk about who you're actually trying to please. When you feel not good enough, take a second to ask yourself, who am I not good enough for? A lot of the time, we're bending over backwards to fit into someone else's idea of success, or to meet the standards of people who don't actually know us, value us, or even have our best interests at heart.

Mark:08:58

Is it your parents who want you to follow a certain path? A friend who always seems to have their life together? Or maybe it's not even a real person. Maybe it's just an idea that you built up about who you should be based on what you see online and what you think other people expect. The truth is, a lot of these people or ideas that we're trying to impress don't actually deserve that power over us.

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Are they even living lives you'd want for yourself? If not, then why are you killing yourself trying to live up to their standards? You can't be everything for everyone. So decide whose standards matter to you, and make sure that they're aligned with who you actually want to be. So where do you go from here?

Mark:09:41

So now that you've looked at all of this, it's time to ask yourself if you're ready to start challenging this not good enough story. It's not about flipping a switch and suddenly feeling like you're enough. It's about pushing back a little bit each time that thought comes up. Challenge it. Ask yourself if it's really true, or if it's just an old belief that's overstayed its welcome.

Mark:10:01

Now start with small wins. Things that prove to you little by little that you are capable, that you do have worse, and that being good enough is about meeting your standards, not somebody else's. And as you get better at recognizing these patterns, they're gonna lose their power, and you'll start to build a more solid sense of worth that isn't swayed by every external opinion or comparison. Now the path to feeling good enough isn't quick or easy, but it is possible, and you're the one who gets to choose whether you keep letting those old voices, impossible standards, or random comparisons define your worth, or if you actually decide that you exactly as you are actually do measure up. So now that we've unpacked all of that stuff around feeling not good enough, and how to start tackling it, here's something to keep in time for next time.

Mark:10:52

What do you do with the emotions that come up along the way? You know, those feelings that just seem to hit you out of nowhere like anger, anxiety, or frustration no matter how much you want to stay in control. In the next episode, we're diving into exactly that. Why can't I control my feelings? We'll look at why certain emotions seem to run the show, and what's really going on when you feel like you're getting pulled around by them.

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And we'll talk about what it actually means to handle your feelings without trying to just stuff them down or ignore them. So if you've ever wondered why your emotions seem to have a mind of their own, and what you can do about it, come back and listen to the next episode. We're gonna pull that shit apart.