What If I Don't Feel Safe?

Mark:00:01

My name's Mark. And you're listening to Head Straight. Welcome back. And today, we're gonna be talking about something really important. What to do if you don't feel safe?

Mark:00:24

Now, if you're dealing with a situation where you feel unsafe, whether that's at home, with friends, online, or around an adult who's crossing boundaries, know this, you're not alone, and you're not powerless. That feeling of unsafety can come from many places, and it can really mess with every part of your life. It's normal to feel insecure, and scared, or even guilty about speaking up, especially, if someone's making you feel that you can't, or that you shouldn't, but you don't have to stay stuck in that feeling. Here's a deep dive into understanding what might be going on, and what steps that you can take to find more stability, safety, and control. Start by being as honest with yourself as you can about what exactly is making you feel unsafe.

Mark:01:11

Sometimes, this isn't easy. It could be something really specific, like a person or a place, or it could just be a feeling that you get when certain things happen. For example, is it a friend who pressures you to do things that you're not comfortable with? Or maybe it's a situation at home, tense arguments, unpredictable behavior from a family member, or something that feels wrong, but it's hard to put into words. Other times, it could be something internal, like anxiety or thoughts that just won't leave you alone, making you feel on edge all the time.

Mark:01:42

Now, naming the cause or causes can help you to start to understand your options. Remember, feeling unsafe isn't something that you have to deal with on your own. If it feels wrong, then it probably is, and that feeling is worth listening to. So when it comes to talking about feeling unsafe, especially if there's an adult involved, you'll probably be dealing with some big barriers. Now it might feel embarrassing or scary to bring it up.

Mark:02:10

You might worry about getting into trouble, or not being believed, or facing consequences that you can't control. And if it's an adult hurting you, that's even harder because they might be using their position to make you feel trapped, like no one would believe you, or you'll get punished if you speak up. If you're feeling these feelings, know that they are normal. Adults who harm or take advantage of younger people often rely on these exact feelings to keep you quiet. Recognizing this can help you to understand that these fears don't mean that you have to stay silent.

Mark:02:42

They're actually signs of manipulation. Now you might not be able to shake these fears completely, but seeing them for what they are can help you to take your first steps towards getting help. So the first thing that I want you to do is to find one person that you trust. So even if there's one person in your life that you can feel that you can open up to, start there. This could be a friend, a family member, a teacher, a coach, or someone in your life who seems trustworthy.

Mark:03:10

Now, sometimes, especially if your unsafe feelings involve an adult, you'll need another adult to step in. Now, I need to say this very clearly. This isn't a situation that you or your friends should be managing. In this situation, you need an adult who can take action to keep you safe. Now, when you start to talk about what's happening, you don't have to say everything perfectly.

Mark:03:34

And you don't have to have all of the answers. Try starting with something simple, like, I don't feel safe. And I need to talk to someone. That sentence alone can be enough to let someone know that you're in a tough spot. And if talking face to face feels too overwhelming, then send a text or a WhatsApp message to get that conversation started.

Mark:03:55

If you don't have someone in your immediate circle that you feel safe talking to, then there are hotlines, online chats, and anonymous resources specifically designed for people dealing with unsafe situations. Many of these are open 247, and run by people trained to listen without judgement, and to help you figure out next steps. They're there to take you seriously and support you. And just to help, I've put a list of those organisations in the description for this episode of the podcast. If possible, put some space between you and whatever's making you feel unsafe.

Mark:04:29

This might mean finding a different place to hang out after school, staying with a friend or family member when things at home get tense, or even spending less time with people who make you feel on edge. If you're in a specific situation that starts to feel dangerous, know that it's okay to leave. Even if you feel like you're being rude or letting someone down, Your safety comes first. And sometimes, just having a bit of distance can help you think more clearly. If you're dealing with someone who's pressuring you, whether it's a friend or even a romantic interest, create an exit plan before you even go.

Mark:05:05

Have a friend who knows where you are and can help you leave if things get uncomfortable. If necessary, set up a code word or phrase that you can use to signal to them that you need help. Now, if someone's hurting you or crossing boundaries, it might help to start to keep a record of what's going on. Now, this doesn't have to be fancy or complicated. Just jot down dates, times, and what happened, and what was said.

Mark:05:29

If it's online, try and take screenshots. Having a record can help you to remember details if you decide to tell someone later. It also helps to make things clearer, especially if you're starting to question yourself, or feel confused about what's going on. This might also help you to see patterns, like, how often things are happening or if there are specific triggers. Plus, if you eventually do report what's happening, having written details can help other people understand your situation.

Mark:05:57

Now, if someone's pressuring you to do something that doesn't feel right, you have every right to say no. You don't need to explain or apologize for protecting yourself. Setting boundaries can feel uncomfortable, especially if it's with someone you know well, or if there's someone who has authority over you. But remember, no one is entitled to your time, your comfort, your trust, or your body. It's okay to say, no.

Mark:06:22

I'm not comfortable with that, or I need to leave. Holding these boundaries is a form of self respect and a clear signal that your safety matters to you. Now, in situations where you feel unsafe, it helps to have a just in case plan for when things get out of hand. This could mean having a person to contact if you need to leave a place, saving emergency numbers on your phone, or setting up a safe word with a friend or family member that signals that you need help. If you're in a place where you're feeling vulnerable, think about the fastest way to leave, and make sure you have a way to contact someone if you need to.

Mark:06:58

Planning like this can help you to feel more in control, even if you're still dealing with a tough situation. Just knowing that you have a backup plan can make it easier to breathe and think clearly. Now if the feeling of being unsafe has been constant or is affecting your daily life, talking to a counsellor or therapist could be a good option. They're there to help you work through what's happening, make sense of it, and figure out the next steps. Therapy isn't about being fixed.

Mark:07:26

It's about having a safe space to talk openly, and get some guidance on handling hard situations. Therapists understand that speaking up isn't easy. And they're trained to help you to go at your own pace. Hurting you, pressuring you, or making you feel trapped, it's not your fault, and you don't have to handle this alone. The fact that you feel this way is a signal that something isn't right, and that you deserve better.

Mark:07:59

You're allowed to take steps to protect yourself, and to find spaces and people who treat you with respect. So let's bring this all together. Feeling unsafe isn't something that you should ignore, or just deal with. It's a sign that something needs to change. And while taking action can be scary, every small step matters.

Mark:08:21

Start by identifying what's causing that feeling. Find someone you trust, and take even the smallest steps towards getting the support you need. Remember, you're not alone in this. There are people out there who care, who will believe you, and who can help you find a way to feel secure and respected. You deserve to be in a place with people who make you feel safe.

Mark:08:44

Take this one step at a time, and keep reminding yourself, your safety and well-being matter. And you have the right to take action to protect it. Okay. So now, that we've talked about how to find safety and take steps to protect yourself, here's something that comes up a lot when life feels chaotic. How do I make better choices?

Mark:09:07

Now, maybe, you're stuck in a cycle of decisions that don't go the way that you hoped, or you feel that you're always reacting instead of choosing. In the next episode, we're gonna dig into what it actually takes to make solid choices, not just for other people, but for yourself. Now, if you've ever wondered how to break old habits or make decisions you've actually felt good about, then don't miss it.