Why Success Isn’t What You’ve Been Told It Is

Mark:00:02

My name's Mark, and you're listening to Head Straight. Hello, you lot, and welcome back. Today, we're gonna be taking a look at something really important. We're gonna have a look at what does success really mean and how you can define it for yourself. Because success is one of those words everyone throws around, but nobody really defines.

Mark:00:36

Parents talk about being successful at school or work. Social media shows you people with cards, followers, or six packs and calls that success. Teachers, mates, even strangers have their own version of what making it looks like. And in the middle of all of that noise, you're left wondering, but what does success actually mean for me? Am I even close to it?

Mark:00:58

Or am I already failing? Now here's the thing. If you don't stop and define success for yourself, then the world's going to do it for you and you'll spend your life chasing boxes that you never wanted to tick in the first place. So today, we're going to unpack where those ideas of success come from. Why chasing other people's definitions leave you empty, how to spot if you're following someone else's script, and how to finally define success on your own terms.

Mark:01:28

So let's start with something really important. Why do we chase other people's success? Now part of it is because the brain is wired to want approval. Now that's not weakness, it's survival. Thousands of years ago, being part of a group kept you alive.

Mark:01:45

If the tribe accepted you, you were fed, protected and safe. If they rejected you, you didn't last long. Now that wiring's not disappeared. Today, it just shows up in different ways. When your parents, teachers, friends, or even strangers online say this is what success looks like, your brain thinks if I go with that, then I'm gonna be long and I'll be safe.

Mark:02:11

So what voices are around you that define success for you? Maybe it's parents and family. Good grades means good future. Teachers. Uni is the only path forwards.

Mark:02:24

Social media. Success is money, a six pack, or followers. Or your friends. If you're not in a relationship yet, then you're behind. It's like being surrounded by megaphones all blasting their versions of success, and you're left trying to hit all of those targets at once.

Mark:02:45

Now here's the trap. Even when you hit one of those targets, it doesn't stick. You get the grades. Now it's about uni. You get the job, now it's about the career.

Mark:02:56

You get the relationship, now it's about the house. The bar just keeps moving. For example, you ace your exams, you should feel proud, But the moment that the results are out, people ask, so what's next? What uni? What career?

Mark:03:13

Your achievement gets swallowed by the next expectation. And here's the sting. Chasing external success often leaves you feeling really hollow. You tick the box, but it doesn't feel like yours. For example, you join a sports team because everyone says that it's impressive, but you don't even enjoy it.

Mark:03:34

You get praise, but no fulfilment. Now it's not stupidity. This is biology. Your brain's reward system. Dopamine lights up when you get praise, likes or recognition.

Mark:03:49

That hit, it feels good in the moment, but it fades fast, and then you're left chasing the next fix. And here's the thing about success. Most of us are living out scripts that we never wrote. From the moment you're born, people start handing you lines. Do well in school.

Mark:04:07

Go to uni. Get a job. Find a partner. Buy a house. Settle down.

Mark:04:14

It's like being cast in a play that you never auditioned for. The script's already written, and your job is just to act it out. So where do some of these scripts come from? Some of them, they come from society, the one fits all life plan, school, work, house, kids, retirement. They also come from social media.

Mark:04:36

Success equals money, followers, luxury, abs, hustle. Maybe some of them are written by your family. Whatever version they think will keep you secure or make them proud. And then some of them come from your friendship group, what everyone else your age is chasing, so you feel that you should too. Now this is a trap.

Mark:04:58

The problem with borrowed scripts is that they don't ask what you want. You follow the lines because they're there and because stepping off the script feels risky, rebellious, or even scary. For instance, you pick subjects because they look good, not because you enjoy them. You join a gym because it looks like what you should do, not because you value health. You chase lights online, not because you love creating, but because it proves that you're worth something.

Mark:05:26

And the danger, even when you hit the mark, it just feels empty. You tick the box, you get the applause, but inside, it doesn't feel great. For example, you finally get into the course or job everyone pushed you towards. On paper, it's an absolute win. But instead of joy, you feel flat.

Mark:05:49

Because deep down, it wasn't your win. It was theirs. It's kinda like climbing a ladder only to reach the top and realize that the ladder's leaning against the wrong wall. You've put in all the effort, but it doesn't take you anywhere you actually want to go. Now, here's a realisation.

Mark:06:09

Borrowed scripts aren't success. They're someone else's idea of success. And no matter how perfectly you follow them, they'll never fully satisfy because they don't belong to you. So stop and have a think. What scripts are you following right now without realising?

Mark:06:30

Whose words are you living out? Yours or someone else's? Now here's the harsh truth. Chasing someone else's version of success doesn't just waste your time, it drains you from the inside out. Perhaps the heaviest cost, when you follow other people's scripts, you start to feel guilty for even wanting something different.

Mark:06:52

You betray your own desires to meet someone else's standards. For example, you want to take time to explore your options, but feel guilty because everyone expects you to have a career path locked in. Or maybe you care about creativity, but you downplay it because people say it's not practical. Now that's not just pressure, that's self betrayal, and nothing erodes your confidence faster than telling yourself that your wants don't matter. Now here's the cost in plain terms.

Mark:07:22

Chasing the wrong success steals your energy. It flattens your wins and it makes you doubt yourself. You're running hard, but the race doesn't feel like yours. And deep down, you know it. So just take a moment.

Mark:07:38

Look back at your last achievement. Did it feel like yours? Or did it feel like ticking someone else's box? So if chasing borrowed success leaves you empty, how do you define it for yourself? Well, it starts with slowing down, stepping off the script, and asking what actually matters to me.

Mark:08:03

I'm gonna give you three steps to help you build a definition of success that's yours. One that fuels you instead of drains you. The first one, identify your values. Values are the things that actually matter to you. The stuff that makes you feel alive, fulfilled, grounded.

Mark:08:24

Success built on values feels different. It's not about looking impressive to others. It's about living in line with what's important to you. For example, if creativity is a value, success might mean finishing a drawing or song that you're proud of, even if no one else ever sees or hears it. Or if connection is a value, success might be spending quality time with a close friend, not just chasing a big social circle.

Mark:08:52

This works because when your definition of success lines up with your values, every step feels meaningful. You're no longer borrowing. You're owning it. The second one is focus on direction, not destination. Success isn't one single finish line.

Mark:09:13

It's not once I have X, I'll be successful. It's a direction of travel. It's a way of being. For example, if health is a value, success isn't I need a six pack. It's moving your body regularly and fuelling it well.

Mark:09:31

Or maybe if learning is a value, success isn't straight a's or nothing. It's being curious, growing your skills and enjoying the process. Now this works because destinations can disappoint you, Directions keep you moving forwards. And the third one is measure what's yours, not theirs. The second that you use someone else's measuring stick, you feel small.

Mark:10:00

The only measure that matters is whether you're aligned with your values. For example, your mate's success might be smashing it at football. Yours might be finishing a poem that captures exactly how you feel. Now both count because they're built on different values. This works because it stops you from chasing borrowed scripts and starts you celebrating your own milestones.

Mark:10:26

Put these three things together values, direction, your own measures and success stops being a box ticking exercise. It becomes a compass guiding you towards a life actually feels like yours. So stop for a moment and just ask yourself if you stripped away everyone else's opinions, what would success look like for you right now? Not in ten years, not in five, but today, right now. So success isn't about ticking someone else's boxes.

Mark:11:04

It's about living in alignment with who you are and what you value. Now the reason why this matters is this. When you chase borrowed success, you always feel like you're behind. The bar moves, the script changes, the applause fades. But when you do find success on your own terms, then something changes.

Mark:11:27

Wins feel real, setbacks feel manageable and progress feels like it belongs to you. You could think about it like this. Think of life like a treasure hunt. If you're following someone else's map, you'll dig in all the wrong places. You might find scraps of treasure, but they'll never satisfy because it wasn't what you were looking for.

Mark:11:51

But if you draw your own map, every step, even the messy ones, feels meaningful because you're moving towards your treasure, not someone else's. So when you consider success at an identity level, success isn't I need to be rich. It's I want enough freedom to spend my time on what matters to me. Success isn't I need to look a certain way. It's I take care of my body in a way that makes me feel good.

Mark:12:24

Success isn't I need the grades everyone expects. It's I'm learning in ways that fuel my curiosity and growth. So to reframe it, when you define success for yourself, you stop running someone else's race. You stop climbing the wrong ladder, and you start building a life that feels like yours piece by piece, step by step. So let's pull it together.

Mark:12:52

We chase other people's success because our brains crave approval. We get handed scripts by society, by family, by friends, by social media, and we run with them without even stopping to ask if they belong to us. But borrowed scripts leave us exhausted. They move the goalposts. They flatten our winds.

Mark:13:14

The shift is this. Success isn't out there waiting for you on someone else's checklist. Success is something you define through your values, your decision, and your own measures. And when you do that, you stop asking, am I successful yet? And start asking, am I living in a way that feels like mine?

Mark:13:35

Now that's the question that matters. So let me set you your challenge for this week. And since this is the last episode of the season, then make it count. Write down three values that matter most to you. Not what others say should matter, what genuinely lights you up.

Mark:13:57

For each one, write down what success would look like if it was built on that value. Keep it small and practical. For example, if creativity is a value, success might be drawing a sketch this week. If connection is a value, success might be calling a friend and having a real conversation. Now choose one of them and take action on it this week.

Mark:14:24

And when you do it, pause for a moment and notice how it feels. That's what real success feels like. Grounded. Satisfying. Yours.

Mark:14:37

And here's one last thing before we finish. You've come a long way through this season. We've talked about energy, habits, comparison, doubt, and now success. Each one has its own lessons, but together, they tell a bigger story about what it means to live in a way that feels true to you. So in the next episode, I'm gonna take a step back with you.

Mark:15:03

We'll look at the season as a whole, the threads that run through it, the shifts that you might have noticed in yourself, and the challenges worth carrying forwards. Because sometimes it's not about the single steps. It's about pausing, looking back, and realizing just how far you've already come. So are you up for it? Of course you are.